It’s been so long since I had my last post. I’ve been very busy trying to make myself comfortable in my new place, SMP N 4 Ska. This matter took longer time than I expected. New things..new people…new attitude…new “culture”…new habit…and many unexpected “ difficulties” and easy-things altogether…*_*
Last Tuesday was a hard day for me.
I learned a simple matter through a hard way. You know, I used to tell my students to always be honest no matter how. Well…at least at tests. But, since last Tuesday I think I couldn’t say that again. I’ll tell you what happened.
It was actually a big mistake I’ve made. I didn’t have the gut to say no to my friends’ will to play truant on a test. When they first asked me to help them for the test (by telling them the answers with my fingers), I said “No”. But, things got different on the test day. They were kind of forced me to do so. They kept intimidate me to “help” them. 10 minutes before the test, a group of “friends” came to me and reminded me of my pathetic “job”. I just smiled.
2 minutes before the test started, the same group came close to me and told me to remember my “ job”. Can you imagine my feelings at that time? This thing they asked for was against my whole-life-belief. Me, who used to adore honesty (FYI, I always write “Honesty is a Virtue” at the bottom of the page for every test paper i made at school)…had to play truant in a test!#@%$# What an irony!!!
But, looking at their faces…their wrinkles on the face…and neck…hehehe....I realized that they were hopeless. A serious moral conflict hit me.
Apart from the fact that I began to realize they are not true friends, I decided to help them. If playing truant in the test is what it takes, then…shall be it.
I spent the 2-hours “meaningless” test successfully. Even though I knew that my TOEIC score wouldn’t be good enough (I used to get 910 once, 920 once, 855 and 895), I tried to do my best.
It seemed easy and simple, right?!
Absolutely not!
I paid my mistake in a hard way too. I couldn’t sleep at night. I kept feeling guilty and “small” at the same time. I thought about what I’m going to say to my students who play truant on test.
Right now, I’m healing myself with a self-healing process found by…
me!...hehehe…
I make jokes out of it. Hope it can really help me through my down times.
I hope you’ll never be in the same position as i was. Good luck for you all!...(and me)